30 ways to die on Pandora
by Adventus
Summary: Something Jake should have read. A little project before the new chapter of Truth or Dare comes up. Enjoy, and review.


Just Something to keep you guys interested until my next chapter of PToD comes up.

I don't own Avatar, but who'd hire me? James Cameron? Pfft.

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30 ways on how to die on Pandora! Brought to you by your only neighbourhood Adventus!

1. Simple. Efficient. Suicide. For those who just can't handle the stress, or in the RDA case, the algae served up by master chef rejected cooks.

2. Eaten by Thanators. Come on! You just knew that this would pop up. Jake was running for a reason! Dude!

3. Crushed by falling branches. It's happened on Earth. And there isn't much reason it wouldn't happen on 20,000 year old hometrees. Besides, Eywa can't save everybody.

4. Shot by Na'vis. You're not the first one. Plenty of other poor, evil, pillaging RDA grunts have met the same fate.

5. 'Accidentally' shot by rogue Sampson pilots. What is it with people betraying their race? Honestly, people must have their brains messed up because of the CO2.

6. AMP explosion. Seems like someone left a wrench in the exhaust. Either that, or Wainfleet absentmindedly spilled his coke over the controls...

7. Stranded. There's a reason you don't camp on the floating mountains. 8 hours later you're looking into the water, 200 ft high in the air. Not a bad holiday destination though.

8. Poisoned. DON'T let scientists cook your food. They're probably Na'vi sympathizers. They'd rather eat arachnoids.

9. Arm Wrestling contest with a Na'vi. Don't risk it. Especially if it's Tsu'tey, 'cus he'll snap it right off.

10. Crushed by stampede. Sturmbeest are delicious! But now they're getting their revenge! Run while you can!

11. Fall. Ask Tsu'tey. You can imagine the rest.

12. Shot by Quaritch. VERY, VERY UNLIKELY! Mostly because Quaritch's accuracy is absolute crap! He can't even hit a 10FT target at close range!

13. Too much Kava. You don't want to know what happens to drunk Na'vis. It ain't a pretty picture.

14. Tripped over. There's cliffs, mountains, and chasms everywhere people! And just because Neytiri caught Jake doesn't mean you should get your hopes up! (I know, it's very sad.)

15. Standing in front of an exhaust. Are people that stupid? Funny how a missile can destroy a Dragon.

16. Stomped on. 'No man left behind' doesn't really apply on Pandora. Watch out for AMPs and Direhorses! Those Na'vis are out to get you!

17. Kicked in the nuts. I am of course referring to you bros out there. Carbon fibre hurts, believe me.

18. Chemical explosion. You're dealing with foreign chemicals and BS you don't know about. Don't mix dangerous chemicals! What would Grace say!

19. Crashing vehicles. Do Valkerie shuttles fall often on Pandora? And do they carry Daisy Cutters? Honestly, brought down by a single Na'vi. Don't stand in the way.

20. Backfire. Imagine firing that 30 millimetre GAU 90, and it fires back at you! Dude! Just look what it does to those Na'vi! Proper maintenance please!

21. Fires. Eucalyptus trees are one thing, but towering forest trees with flammable sap? Add a match, and you've got a Pyromaniac's dream.

22. Stabbed. Either by Na'vi or Humans. Don't try it. For your sake. Knives are scary. So is Quaritch.

23. Eaten by Ikran or Toruk. 'WHOA! DUDE! GIANT SPACE BIRD! WHAAAAA!' is one of the many accepted warnings of Pandoran wildlife.

24. Seeing Wainfleet nude. Some things you don't want to see. Wainfleet is one of them. If he's in the shower, keep on walking..

25. Grace's lectures. If it's possible to be bored to death, it'd happen here. "Dude! I'm a Soldier! I don't give a crap!" Another response of an angry AMP Dude.

26. ISV runs out of power. What if? If it did happen, you may be in for an extended flight. Boring, very boring.

27. Dropped the Detonator. 1 stupid Jarhead. 2 Daisy Cutters. 1 fragile detonator. Mix for a recipe of full scale destruction.

28. Bear Grylls. I know I mention him a lot. But he works for the BBC. He'll be after you too!

29. Eywa dosen't like you. Come on. Eywa has to have some fun. And she's not getting it all from my truth or dare! (Don't get any ideas!)

30. Fart. Higher air density? Spiced up algae? Wainfleet? Trust me, the end product isn't desirable.

And for one more..

31. DIDN'T SEE AVATAR! DUDE! WHO HASN'T SEEN AVATAR! WHOOAAAAA! WATCH IT!

Thanks for reading.

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Next chapter of PToD will be up tommorow. Someone's coming over today.

Review, and i want to know if i should make another chapter! Choice is yours! Make it! Or Jake will!


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